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BnechbReaker
10-10-2007, 04:58 PM
it's that real hand writing? its very nice
kuvasz
10-10-2007, 05:21 PM
2509 and they're still writing on paper? ;D But nice poem!
Quanta
10-10-2007, 05:47 PM
I like it. It is a very well written poem and I like the subject.
NateSMZ
10-10-2007, 07:24 PM
decent poem - it picked up toward the end... this was the best part:

Shield on the left, rifle on the right,
Flashlights fixed, visor shut tight.
Radio connection established with base,
There’s no turning back, no matter the case.

We reached our position well within time,
Feeling the heavy suit straining my spine.
Ammunition was everywhere, no shortage on that,
8mm rounds in boxes, 50 clips in a pack.
BirdofPrey
10-10-2007, 07:53 PM
Interesting poem but please everyone for all our sakes TITLE YOUR POEMS
Bizarro_Paragon
10-11-2007, 12:02 AM
I like it, but for the record, syllables are your friend. :good:

Having 8 syllables on one line and 13 on another within 2 lines of each other unfortunately throws off the rythm of an otherwise awesome poem.

Overall good job though.
-LT-
10-11-2007, 08:13 AM
Nice poem. And very long. :P
SD-Count
10-11-2007, 09:23 PM
Interesting poem but please everyone for all our sakes TITLE YOUR POEMS

QFT, the title of poetry (for anyone who's taken any type of intro to lit class) is the most important part.
-LT-
10-11-2007, 09:56 PM
Yeah. The song is a lot better when it has a title. ;)
NateSMZ
10-12-2007, 06:07 PM
a few odd references - like baseball... in Starcraft? a bunch of oddly worded rhymes and spotty rhythm all could be worked on in this... the part I highlighted before had a nice tone and rhythm to it - but other than that... just wasn't feeling it... the attached picture was a nice touch - I felt like if it had been shorter you could've focused on increasing the quality a good deal, good effort tho, pz
Darktemplar_L
10-17-2007, 12:06 AM
Hmmm... I didn't clearly catch the subject of this poem. Was this about marines getting suited for battle?
kuvasz
10-22-2007, 09:43 PM
Well yeah...
And Nate, the reference to baseball was there to imply that the woman was beaten up with a bat. I didn't think it was that complicated :P

Well I'm glad some of you liked it, I had fun with it :) Though I expected 1 or 2 more votes ;D
MarineCorp
10-22-2007, 10:11 PM
Very nice! i wonder who wrote it...that title of this topic 'Untitled' begin to make me wonder...
NateSMZ
10-23-2007, 03:26 AM
well, I didn't mean that it was hard to understand - I meant it didn't seem to vibe with the starcraft universe
kuvasz
10-23-2007, 09:52 AM
Well I don't know about that. The poem tries to describe the preparation for a battle against unknown beings from Findlay's point of view. The dream was just a little spice to it :)