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View Full Version : Re: 4) Story of a Ghost

BnechbReaker
10-11-2007, 05:41 PM
this is quite good
-LT-
10-12-2007, 08:42 PM
No one comments this one. Maybe because it's long?
NateSMZ
10-16-2007, 12:19 PM
Interesting story, the starcraft basis was clearly seen... would've captured much better if the fight scenes were more descriptive... the action was lacking somewhat... did manage to make me wonder about the character tho - good end
BloodHawk
10-19-2007, 10:57 AM
Lots of typos.

Story is progressed with mostly "Then this happened, then this happened, then...ect"
I'm assuming you were trying really hard to condense a longer story you had thought up.
It just doesn't work out well, not a enjoyable read.
Patuljak
10-20-2007, 11:38 AM
It lacks character. While I did enjoy the story I couldn't shake the feeling that it could be done so much better. You could, for example, give a name to the ghost or say that he doesn't have a name because of his ghost training. Then you could say that they deleted his memory and add that he still has flashbacks of his past life during his dreams. Something like that would add a lot of depth and make the story much more enjoyable.