Re: 14) The Hydralisk Slaughter of the Terran Outpost on Char

[kuvasz]

I'm like... creating 5 other accounts and voting for this 6 times :o

[BnechbReaker]

this is awsome!

[Quanta]

very good, probably the best poem I've read so far

[NateSMZ]

well done - I liked it - one of the better ones I've read

[Bizarro_Paragon]

Outpost Codename "London"?

Everyone knows all the best Outposts are codenamed "Vancouver". :good:

[-LT-]

This is one of the best poems.

[josh]

It's like it's professionally done. Outstanding. :)

[Joneagle_X]

This is by far the best poem submitted so far.

In blood, a thousand varies hues!

I think you meant "a thousand varied hues" here, I'm assuming it's a typo. But I got the meaning.

[NateSMZ]

First let me say this is the only poem in here that really made me think, "well done". Several others were interesting, but they were entertaining in a comical way, not in a laudable way. However, some things still to work on:

The pacing and tone of the poem was top notch. However, the rhymes while generally adequate were forced in some lines. Odd wordings really stand out when the rest of the piece demonstrates such polish. As an example: "Which once was marked with air of glee"
'marked with air of glee' displays poor diction - a lil rethinking could've helped that line and a few others flow much more smoothly

The second thing I noticed were a few references that almost broke the tone... such as the line with Satan's name. It just didn't fit.

The little wordplay on the "now I lay me down to sleep" line was a nice tidbit. Overall, quite a good job. I enjoyed it.

[BnechbReaker]

i agree, but this is definitely your main competition nate

[Bizarro_Paragon]

I think you meant "a thousand varied hues" here, I'm assuming it's a typo. But I got the meaning.

Yeah, I did mean that. Thanks Jon, I thought I had gotten all the typos.

The pacing and tone of the poem was top notch. However, the rhymes while generally adequate were forced in some lines. Odd wordings really stand out when the rest of the piece demonstrates such polish. As an example: "Which once was marked with air of glee"
'marked with air of glee' displays poor diction - a lil rethinking could've helped that line and a few others flow much more smoothly
I do agree that a few of the lines are there to force the rhyme, but I happen to really like this particular verse and thought it went well... what do you guys think?

The second thing I noticed were a few references that almost broke the tone... such as the line with Satan's name. It just didn't fit.
I was trying to carry a vague Christian overtone throughout the poem... the Starcraft universe, especially the Terrans, are so rarely related with religion that I thought I could give a view of that side. Hence the praying, Satan's name, and the "now I lay me down to sleep" line. I just didn't want it to be as blatant as "Oh, I'm kissing my cross now. Praise Jesus and the Lord, please get me through this battle with the fury of your benevolence.";D
Anyway, that was the reasoning behind it, though you guys would be interested. Like I told Nate already, I agree on the Satan line. It's a little wierd.

[Joneagle_X]

I love it. :D

[NateSMZ]

I think it was top notch... you already know that tho

[DarkTemplol]

This deserved to have won.

"Once, the sun was high today."

That single line packs such a punch, it's truly amazing. I've read the poem a few times now, and everytime I do, it still gets me, no less than it did the first time. It's really a wonderful job you did writing it. Thanks for sharing.