A poem I wrote to share with you

[mc2]

This is a "modern poem" I wrote 4 years ago for my English homework, my teacher liked it so much that she gave me 20 out of 10 and put it in the school's weekly news letter. I thought it's good too so I kept it all these time. And I would like to share it with you :)

It ain't true, and it ain't false,
tell you the true and don't be roused.
You remembered your beloved spouse?
If her name is Dagmar Krause,
well too bad! Cause she passed out!

Do you remember what you did?
Smashed her heart into a billion bits,
crushed her spirit and buried it deep.
Lounging in your cosy suite,
senselessly replied "who gives?"

Well let me tell you what's going on!
Your love will leave you and move on!
There are two choices to settle upon:
Fix it up! Yeah! That magical bond.
Or regret forever in the Bachelor Pond.

Stop wiping the car with her wedding dress
Relieve your wife from her daily stress
Make her a croissant with a curvy crest
Do some housework and let her rest
Get some sleep! Stop asking for sex!

Have you awake from your nightmares yet?
The truth is, well, she ain't really dead
But your marriage is becoming a threat
Get in her shoes, you'll know the concepts
to a better marriage! Ah! Perfect!

[PowerkickasS]

VERY WELLDONE!!!!!!!!!!
I can see a lot of beautiful techniques in there.
can you PM me all the techniques you used in your poem? and ill tell you the techniques I can spot for now and later after some analysis from what i remember in high school lol (I wanna see if your techniques were accidental :P because this would be an excellent example to use on the topic of whether poems had always been planned and crafted beautifully or are just over-examined and becomes a mind-trick to the over-optismistic or enthusiastic people driven by their power of belief etc etc lol)

[Nikzad]

very nice! :powerup: how old were you when you wrote this, and what was your inspiration?

[UchihaItachi0129]

VERY WELLDONE!!!!!!!!!!
I can see a lot of beautiful techniques in there.
can you PM me all the techniques you used in your poem? and ill tell you the techniques I can spot for now and later after some analysis from what i remember in high school lol (I wanna see if your techniques were accidental :P because this would be an excellent example to use on the topic of whether poems had always been planned and crafted beautifully or are just over-examined and becomes a mind-trick to the over-optismistic or enthusiastic people driven by their power of belief etc etc lol)

umm lol? poem fanatic?

[mc2]

very nice! :powerup: how old were you when you wrote this, and what was your inspiration?


I wrote this when I was 16 years old. It was year 10 English. My teacher wanted us to write a poem for homework. The poem has to address an issue in today's society.

My main inspirations for this is The Simpsons and Everybody Loves Raymond. They always talk about family and marriage issues. Most of my ideas were drawn from them

Also my English teacher told us that she was divorced not long ago, so I thought she'd enjoy this poem :P

[[LightMare]]

very nice poem. It’s one of those things that make you stop, think for a bit, then keep on going, with a different perspective on life in general.

[Tym29]

yeah, it has nice rhythm to it. So you are ESL? That makes the poem amazing!

[mc2]

Yep, english is my second language, the idea just suddenly hit me one day. I suppose this is what artists mean when they say "I'm inspired"...